


Fungus Puppy and Sleeping Shoot-y

by Pistol



Category: The Losers (2010)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:09:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pistol/pseuds/Pistol
Summary: To be fair, Clay's mission prep never specifically said that Jensen couldn't hook up with a stranger or that he couldn't kidnap anyone after faking their death.Either way, Pooch could be a little more helpful.
Relationships: Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez/Jake Jensen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	Fungus Puppy and Sleeping Shoot-y

Cougar wakes up with a start the moment someone removes the first slug from his leg. To his credit, he doesn't seem all that surprised to be tied to a table and being operated on by a stranger while a former one-night-stand watches.

Cougar closes his eyes, dropping his head back with a sigh before lifting it again to survey the room. His eyes linger fractionally on his rifle before fixing on Jensen with a neutral look.

"Hey there, Sleeping Shoot-y. Get it? It's like Sleeping Beauty but with guns. Pew pew."

Cougar grunts, either in response to Pooch's bedside manner or Jensen's greeting. Either way, Jensen decides to keep going.

"So. I'd like to take this time to tell you I'm not some insane guy who tracked you down and shot you. Because that's not me. I mean, what with the whole..." Jensen's hands weave through the air anxiously, "you know."

"He means the sex. The sex you morons had because you both somehow though hooking up with a stranger while on a job was a good idea," Pooch mutters. "Also, J, that story would work a lot better if you weren't the one to actually shoot him."

"Okay, look, I may have shot you a tiny, itty-bitty, minuscule amount." Jensen winces at the look Cougar gives him.

Next to them, Pooch is absolutely no help as he retrieves a slug and holds it up for all to see. "This would be large chunk of metal imbedded in his leg number two, just in case anyone here is counting."

Cougar looks from the mushroomed metal to Jensen before gritting his teeth with a hiss as Pooch starts cleaning the wound.

"So. Cougar." Jensen frowns, repeating the name thoughtfully. "Is that really your name? Or is that just your call-sign? And do you really go around picking up guys and telling them your-"

Pooch stops his actions, looking up at Jensen with a sour glare. "Jensen.  _ Shut up _ before I shut you up."

"Right. Shutting up."

The silence lasts long enough for Cougar to acclimate to the pain and start looking over his surroundings with careful glances.

"You're in our secret lair. I asked Clay to find us an island lair, but apparently this is a landlocked country and I'm not allowed to suggest safe house locations ever since that time I booked our rooms at the Disneyland Resort Hotel."

"Where?" Cougar croaks out.

"Seven blocks west of where your nest was." Jensen pauses, patting down his pockets before pulling out a tiny and very battered leather bound book. "We were in a rush getting you off the roof but I managed to grab your DOPE book." Jensen holds it out towards Cougar, who just looks pointedly down at his bindings. "Right. So, I'll put it over here."

"Who do you work for?"

"Who do  _ you _ work for?" Jensen counters. "Also, you're not really in a place to demand answers, chavo."

Cougar's jaw clenches. "Now what?"

Jensen shrugs. "Well, you're not a prisoner, if that's what you're asking. And as far as the Pooch and I are concerned, you died on that rooftop."

"Because Jensen shot you.  _ Twice. _ "

"Oh my god," Jensen moans, burying his face in his hands, "can you give it a rest already? Yeah, I fucked up by... you know,  _ fucking _ , but I also saved Roque's ass and noticed something wasn't right when Cougs was tailing our VIP."

Pooch rolls his eyes. "You  _ should _ have just killed him. In fact, if you had done that, we'd be flying back home business class instead of hiding out in a gross-ass fish market hoping Clay won't kill us when he finds out what and who you did." He levels Jensen with a look. "And he  _ will _ figure it out, Jensen, and the Pooch refuses to be blamed for your choices."

Jensen fixes him with an incredulous look. "Funny. I remember helping you to convince Clay to pass on a very well paying client when the target happened to be a very foxy lady spy."

"That's diff-"

" _ Pooch. _ "

Pooch opens his mouth to reply, but closes it, looking away. "I still say this is stupid."

Cougar clears his throat, looking between them cautiously.

"Relax. We didn't kill you and we have no plans to k-"

"Oh, I guarantee Rogue will have plans to kill your boy when he gets here."

Jensen's face falls. "Okay, no one in this room has plans to kill you. In fact, we've saved your ass and one of us plans to make sure the others won't kill you."

"Why am I here?"

"There's nothing good on TV?"

Cougar scowls and Jensen finds himself studying his boots.

"So sue me, I wasn't fond of the idea of killing someone who stealth cuddled me when they thought I was asleep. You're not as stealthy as you thought, buddy."

Cougar groans, slamming his head back down on the table. "I'll kill you."

"Doubt it, I'm pretty adorable, which makes people generally not want to kill me. Yeah, they all say they do, but no one ever follows through. Well, they don't  _ seriously _ follow through. Okay- there was a few times-"

"I've known you for less than a day."

Jensen shrugs, "And yet, I'm willing to bet you wouldn't kill me."

"Don't feel too bad," Pooch offers Cougar with a lopsided smile. "You're not alone. I can give you a list of people who haven't been able to follow through on their threats to Jensen. Even Fadhil's daughter hasn't been able to do it."

"Jolene and I think it's my super power. After the first ten minutes in my presence, your threats are null and void. I'm like a fast growing fungus and once I latch on to you have to love me. Like a puppy." Jensen makes a pleased sound. "I'm a fungus-puppy!"

Pooch shakes his head. "That sounds terrible, Jensen."

"And yet, you love me."

**Author's Note:**

> Was previously posted, then taken down. Now it's back up. Beware the errors and typos, I suspect the files I found on my old hard drive are the pre-beta versions.  
Please don't steal any of my silly stories and change some names around and then try to sell them as books on Amazon or I'm gonna have to take everything down again.


End file.
